Wii Are Frightened Easily

November 22, 2006

I found that link on digg.com. I'm not sure what kind of site Short-Media is, it's kind of weird. The article's author is unknown, only the handle "primesuspect" is given. What's really weird is that between the "Author:" and "Date:" lines in the header is a "Price:" header, which is blank on this story.

Anyway...

First he complains about Toys'R'Us taking his wallet and holding it at ransom at gunpoint until he buys not only a Wii console but also some useless accessories. Fearing for his life he submitted to their threats of violence and spent more money than he planned to.

Oh wait, no, they just said he couldn't buy the Wii without buying useless accessories, and he agreed. He could have gone elsewhere but he decided not to. He furiously but graciously bent over for the corporate whore. Sorry for the misrepresentation above.

Then he got it home. But first we hear about his great Xbox 360 experience...

"The first time I turned on the 360, I was able to figure out how to get "going" right away. The wireless controllers were effortless - everything just autodetected."

Really? That's interesting because Xbox 360 Wireless controllers require you to sync them to the system to use them. I guess someone did it for him while he wasn't looking.

"The Wii experience was considerably different. There are a lot of things in that box!"

Yeah, 10 is a LOT of things, and for someone like him with all those consoles already set up above and below his TV that must have been a scary experience like no other. I hope someone held his hand...

In the box: Wii, stand, power supply, sensor bar, sensor bar stand (optional), remote, nunchuk, audio/video cables, Wii Sports game, baggie with manuals.

AHHHHHH!!! Run to the hills!

"First, figure out the sensor bar. It's not complicated, but it does have to be placed on top of, or directly below, your display. I had to route the extremely thin (and frighteningly cheap feeling) wire all over the place to get it to where my Wii console was resting."

Yes, it is frightening. The guy is so close to a stroke at this point and he just doesn't know it. I hope his blood pressure went back down before he played Wii Sports Boxing.

"At first, I thought the second remote was defective - I didn't understand why it wasn't being detected. I found out via the manual that you have to do a one time "sync" with the console so that the console owns that particular remote. The bundled remote is factory-synchronized, but any additional remotes must be manually synced. This isn't complicated, but it's also not obvious. I predict many frustrated non-techy moms and dads going through some drama on Christmas Day, trying to figure out why the extra controllers aren't working.

This is 2006, Nintendo. Plug and Play - look it up!"

Yeah, because in 2005, having to sync the Xbox 360 wireless controller was absolutely ridiculous, and despite the fact it has to be done so that an Xbox 360 controller knows which system it belongs to in case there is more than one system within the controller's range, Nintendo should have been able to create a controller that correctly guesses which Wii it should talk to 100% of the time. I mean, this is 2006, not the stone ages of 2005.

Nintendo, look up Plug and Play! Oh, I know the Wii remote is wireless and thus there is nothing to plug with or into, but come on, he put it in bold text to make a point! He's a buffoon! Look it up!

Short-Media, maybe it's for writers with short attention spans. If he had looked at the quick start tri-fold pamphlet that came with the Wii or the packaging that came with the extra Wii remote it would have been obvious he needed to sync it, and just how to place that sensor bar (not that he had problems with it, but it was frightening after all).

It's at this point that his meds kick in and the article takes a 180. Now the Wii is a "magical experience". I'll let you read it from there, suffice it to say his kids have a new favourite console he's not entirely sure how it works yet. I hope he doesn't smash it to bits to see the little fairies inside pulling levers and turning little magical cranks.

Boo! (Toy's 'R' Us, that's a double boo for you)