TIME.com: The Rest-of-the-World Cup

Hey America, guess what? I LOVE IT that you don't get into soccer. If you did we'd be hearing about it every bloody day on your TV stations, rah rah USA USA USA USA with your pretty-boy robotic soccer players, we'd get to watch endless mindless 20 minute exposes on NBC about players on your team from some obscure places like during the War on Terrorism Olympics in February. And then if you noticed you won a game we'd have to sit through all the USA USA USA again, and when you lost we'd have to sit through all the bitching and moaning like when Anton Bono Yoko Ono lost that short-track speed skating race and had his leg hurt and was sitting in a wheelchair before the medal ceremonies.

No thanks. Keep watching your boring-as-sin baseball and technical-to-the-point-of-tears American Football and leave the World Cup and Rest-of-the-world-Football to the us, the Rest-of-the-world.

Go Deutschland Go!